“It is 4:50 a.m., a few minutes into my captivity. The buses full of 200 fourth graders rocked back and forth with the excited footfalls of their adrenaline-filled passengers. Moms and dads blinked, moaning for coffee or any other available caffeine sources. The bus driver lectured on the evils of gummy bears left behind on the seats.”
That was the beginning of a 3-day field study with eldest’s school.
I tried to focus on the fun ahead. We would see the Texas capital, several museums, the Alamo, Sea World, and even Natural Bridge caverns before returning. But there was a part of me thinking, “I’m going to be trapped underground with 200 wild fourth graders.”
The separation from Rachel, my 8 y/o with autism, was tangible, a painful stretching of the mommy apron strings. Would she think I had abandoned her? Would she understand we were coming home in a few days?
When I thought the situation through, I knew it was important for me to go. Even from the time Rachel was an infant, people warned me not to make the family life revolve around Rachel’s disabilities. It has been difficult. The set up of the house is often out of deference to what Rachel will like or won’t destroy. The dog we chose was one that wouldn’t bark and scare her. We don’t go out to dinner as a family because Rachel isn’t ready for that yet, and we don’t take vacations as a family yet.
So, a field trip with my other daughter is the least I could do.
I am so glad I went. By the last day my verbal filter was gone. I said a few snarky things I wish I hadn’t. I lectured (sorry everyone!) several people around me about how Genesis and science are compatible and why. I thought mean thoughts about some of the people around me. In other words, my flesh was showing.
That was good for me too. One, I have an even deeper appreciation for home, but I also was reminded of my incredible and deep need for a savior. Left on my own, I am not a nice person.
So, thank you to both Grandparents for your help in keeping the kids and providing funds for eldest and I to explore our state’s history. Thanks to hubby for keeping the home from burning down in our absence. And thanks to Jesus who keeps my big mouth shut most of the time.