Tag Archive for tweens

05 Jun 2012
character building/discipline • Parenting • Tweens

Teaching character through writing.

by Jennifer Dyer

When I picked up eldest after school the other day, she slumped into the car and folded her arms across her chest. Meanwhile her two younger cousins trudged across the field carrying multiple heavy bags full of the school’s gerbil and her accoutrements.

“Honey, go help your cousins.”

Eldest had suddenly gone deaf. Not even a eye twitch to show she had heard me. I repeated myself. Three times, the last without the “honey.” Nothing. Either she had lost both eardrums or she was ignoring me.

By this time, her cousins were getting close. She was watching them, resisting my mother-commands, hoping they would get to the car before I figured out she still had perfect hearing.

Hmm. I looked her in the eye with my mother beam-of-doom. “Go. Help. Them.”

She scowled at me, narrowed her eyes, huffed, and flounced out off the car, stopping only to glare at me through the window.

Really…?

I waited until we got home to whisper in her ear. “We are going to have a little talk in a few minutes.”

She gave me big innocent eyes. “Whatever for?”

I smiled. She knew perfectly well what we would talk about, and she could just stew about it for a while.

After her cousins had gone their separate ways, I sat her down. Dad was behind me, being the muscle and cracking his knuckles. (Okay, not really, but it is a funny picture…)

Anyway, I told her she was going to write me an essay–a blog, in today’s terms.

Her jaw fell open. “But that’s what you do.” (Apparently, anything a tween’s mom does is automatically relegated to acts-of-un-coolness.) Oh well, doesn’t bother me. I forged on.

“I want one sheet of paper written on why you should help others, and what God says about helping others.”

She exhaled.

“And.”

Her head shot up. “And?”

“Yes, and I want another one-page report/blog/essay/paper on why you should respect your parents, again noting what the Bible has to say about that.”

Groan. She immediately developed a limp, but managed to get up the stairs to her room.

As soon as she was out of earshot, hubby high-fived me. (Who knew parents carried on like that?) “Nice one. You know how she feels about writing.”

It took her quite a while to get the writing done, but she turned in a nice paper. I resisted the urge to edit it–that wasn’t the point, after all. Plus, I don’t want to deter her from writing. On the contrary, writing is a nice way to think through issues, and I wanted to provide her with that chance.

So, I’m looking forward to future reports. Someday she might have a blog entitle, “Things my mother made me write about.” :-)

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30 May 2012
Moms • Parenting • Teens • Tweens

Rescue or push toward maturation? A mother’s quandary.

by Jennifer Dyer

The Alamo

Last night. Bedtime.

“Mom, my class is signing yearbooks tomorrow. Where is mine?” eldest, my fourth grader, asked.

“It’s your yearbook. Where is it?” I asked.

“I don’t know.” Her eyes fluttered. She stared at her shoes and sighed.

“Where do you think it is?” I asked.

“I don’t know. I can’t find it.”

There was more, but she wasn’t spilling. This was getting us nowhere and it was almost time for bed. “When did you last see it?”

Her bottom lip quivered. “I took it to my friend’s house this weekend. I’m sure I packed it, but I can’t find it.”

“You can’t find it, or you mean you are pretty sure that you left it at your friend’s house?”

“Maybe,” she said.

My mind churned: Hadn’t I suggested that you not take that book with you this weekend? In fact, I suggested you leave it in your backpack so it would be there when it was time for signing. That friend lives 70 miles away. I asked you three times before we left her house if you had everything. Arggghhh!

Fortunately, my mouth’s filter caught those words before they spilled out.

After I worked past my irritation, my heart went out to her. She looked so pitiful. Always the rescuer, my mind spun with solutions, including buying another year book. But I stopped before I said anything.

Hmm. Fourth grade is a much better age to learn about responsibility than later in life. Yes, it will be sad for her not to have the book signed with all her other friends, but she made the choice to take it to someone’s house and not make certain it was in her possession when she left. She made the choice to ignore her mother’s solid gold advice. :-) If she faces consequences that she will remember, she will be less likely to do this in the future.

So, I put on my sad face. “Get some craft paper. Your friends can sign that. You’ll have to stick it into your yearbook later.”

As hard as it was for me not to rescue, I’m thankful I stuck to my plan of helping her mature. Sometimes it is easier to look at short term problems and not look at the long term benefits/consequences. I am thankful the Lord gave me wisdom once again!

May you have a wise day, my friends.

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07 Jun 2011
Moms • Parenting • Tweens

Why my 9-year-old asks my opinion.

by Jennifer Dyer

This conversation took place between myself and my 9-year-old daughter over breakfast:

Daughter: “Mom, do you think I should wear my hair up or down?”

Me: “Up. It’s hot.”

Daughter: “Okay, I’ll wear it down with a barrette.”

Apparently, she asks my opinion so she can choose the opposite. Perhaps I will start using this to my advantage…

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25 Oct 2010
Parenting • Teens • Tweens • Uncategorized

Parenting teens: staying close starts early.

by Jennifer Dyer

If I were to write a book about parenting teens, I would entitle it Before the Hormones Hit. From what I remember, what I have been told, and what I have observed, by the time children reach their teens much of the parenting work has been done and it’s time to reinforce.

So, start today, even if you only have little ones. Build into them. Take them out on dates. Find out what interests them and be a part of that. Go to their games and school events. Have lunch with them at school (at least when they’re in elementary–middle school might not go so well…). Play games as a family. Ride bikes together. Find a hobby you can all enjoy. Have fun. Don’t wait until later.

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12 Oct 2010
Current events • Parenting • real life • Teens

Parenting and bullies.

by Jennifer Dyer

This weekend I picked up the latest edition of People magazine because the cover story moved me: “Deadly Bullying.” The subject was already on my mind because I had just seen Ellen Degeneres’ public service announcement about teen suicides related to bullying. Joe Jonas has also taped a PSA on the subject.

Middle school and high school are one of the most difficult times in life. Not that bullying only occurs during these years, but it does seem to take on a new level of intensity. For some reason, perfectly normal kids turn into sadistic cannibals when they hit the middle school doors. Most of them recover and look back with shame on what they did. Some, sadly, get stuck in this phase, but they lose most of their power as they age.

I will be discussing this issue for the next several days and will have some guest authors speaking on the subject, as well. In addition to helping your child through bully grief, we will also include some tips about what to do when your child is the bully.

For today, remember that staying involved as a parent is one of the greatest ways to combat this issue. Providing your kids with a safe place to land, security at home, and assurance of your love and support will help. Talk to them. Find someone else, even a psychologist or a counselor for them to talk to. Share with them stories from your own past and how your dealt with them, especially the success stories. Work to keep the school involved.

Something else I have seen that helps: if the situation gets bad, and if it is possible, let your kids move schools. I changed schools between 7th and 8th grade and it was one of the best things that happened to me in middle school. A  neighbor let their daughter change schools at the same time and recently said she wonders why they didn’t do it sooner. Their daughter is a different girl this year.

Today and in the coming weeks, please share your stories, heartbreaks, victories, and any wisdom gained about this subject. Let’s work to have less lives torn apart by this issue.

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