I know some of you love to read Christian Fiction, so I wanted to tell you about Tricia Goyer’s latest Amish read, The Promise Box from the Seven Brides for Seven Bachelors series set in the quaint Amish community of West Kootenai, Montana. One of the reasons I gave this book a high rating on my Goodreads and Amazon accounts was the setting. I like visiting there in the pages of Tricia’s books. I feel as though I’m walking through the scenic mountains with the soaring peaks and blooming summer flowers.

Here is the back cover description of the book:

The story is sweet with some twists and turns and a lot of soul searching. Lydia has to deal with some very tough issues from her past. I knew someone once who was raped and gave their baby up for adoption, which is another reason the book pulled at my heart strings. From what I remember, the young woman had many of the same emotions put forward in this book. It was nice to see how something so terrible, so tragic, so horrible still had a blessing attached to it at the end.

Another reason I gave it a high rating was the way Tricia deals with the characters. Some of the Amish fiction books I’ve read (I have not read everything out there, so I am not claiming expertise) feature lots of distrust for outsiders and even anger/hatred. I know people in small communities often feel a mistrust for outsiders, so I get that, but sometimes it gets old reading about hateful, angry people.

Don’t get me wrong. Many Amish novels are beautifully written and have deep, meaningful character journeys, but I enjoyed the different view. I wonder if that’s because as a Christian I don’t want to be seen as someone who hates others simply because they think differently. I want to draw others to Jesus by demonstrating His love, not by whacking them over the head with a Bible and conviction.

Along those same lines, I appreciated the way Lydia’s family still loved her even though she made choices they didn’t agree with. Hateful, unforgiving, angry, critical, judgmental parents is another thing that wears me out. (Since I read a lot of YA fiction, I suppose I might see more of that than other readers.) I understand it happens, and sometimes it is done very well and/or necessary to the story, but I enjoy reading about people who love their children even when it hurts. It reminds me of how much God loves me. 

This is a Christian novel, so expect some Bible verses, but most of that is drawn organically out of the promise box Lydia’s mom left for her. As a mom of two daughters, I found it quite touching.

My fav character was probably Gideon. He was a fun hero to watch–kind, but not a dashing Romeo. In fact, I think he felt out of his element at every turn, but he persevered. Gotta admire a guy like that. His backstory was touching, too.

Do you ever have similar reactions to a book? Liking it because of the way it made you feel or think?

*Even though I was given a copy of the book to review, the opinions are my own. Thanks to Zondervan for my book.

There is something interesting about the way people talk or don’t talk about sex. What is so easy to discuss with friends over coffee causes parents to stammer, blush, and say to their children, “Ask again when you’re 30.” 

But we do our children a disservice when we act as though we are ashamed of sex or that it is something dirty. Instead, we should help them to see sex as part of God’s beautiful design for a fulfilling marriage.

How soon is too soon to talk to your kids about sex? As soon as they ask. You can let their questions lead what you tell them.

Years ago, a mentor told me about seeing two bunnies procreating in her yard while sitting with her three-year-old. Her daughter asked what they were doing.

She replied, “They are making love to make babies.”

Her daughter screwed up her face. “Do you and Daddy do that?”

My friend did not let the question ruffle her. “It’s different, but, yes.”

And that was it for a long time, but it started the conversation and kept it open from that point on.

We, as parents, need to be the first source of truth for our children about God’s beautiful design for sex. And it’s not a once-and-you’re-done kind of topic. There needs to be an ongoing dialog about sex and all it encompasses as your kids mature.

Kids crave information on sex. In his book, The Bare Facts, 39 Questions Your Parents Hope You Never Ask About Sex, author Josh McDowell points out “the word ‘sex’ receives more than four billion Google searches every year.”

That’s billion with a “B.” How many of those searches do you think are from kids? A friend recently found the word sex searched on her 9 year-old daughter’s iPod.

One mom, eyes wide with terror, asked me what she was supposed to say. Here are some things I’ve discussed with Eldest, who is 11 as I write this:

• Sex is what you desire to do when you love a person so much you want to be as close to them as possible.
• God made sex for marriage, to be kept inside of marriage.
• Sex is a picture of how deeply God loves us. The Bible uses the term “know” (the Hebrew word yada. See here for more info.) in regards to sex. It is the same term used many other times in the Bible describing how deeply God knows us.
• Sex is like glue that puts a marriage together.
• If you have sex with someone you aren’t married to, sex still “glues” you to that person.
• There are chemicals in the brain released in sex that actually bond you with a person. This is wonderful in marriage. It will hurt you deeply emotionally if you aren’t married to that person.
• God says sex is only for marriage, not because he is mean, but to protect you emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
• The world–TV, music, movies, video games, and people–will tell you sex is just for fun and it can’t hurt you to play around, but those are lies.
• Some people say it’s too hard to deny yourself any sort of pleasure. That is also a lie.
• Your friends are not experts or reliable places to get information about sex.
• Sex is meant to be private, between a husband and a wife. It is beautiful.
• Sex also can create babies. There are all types of birth control available, but they do not always work.
• People will talk about safe sex, but the only kind of safe sex you can have is when you are married and both of you are faithful to each other.
• When you have sex with different people, you can get viruses, sort of like colds, only much more serious. Some of those viruses even cause cancer. (See here for more info on HPV.)
• People can have sex and get pregnant outside of marriage, but that is not God’s best plan for you.

The world is full of lies about sex we must refute with our kids:

• Sex = love.
• Everyone else is doing it, so I should too.
• It’s unrealistic to save sex until marriage with people waiting until their late 20′s to get married.
• Sex in marriage is boring.
• Sex is dirty and bad, and God doesn’t like it.
• I’ve already had sex, so what’s the point in waiting.
• Oral sex isn’t really sex.
• Sex is no big deal. It’s just an action. It doesn’t mean anything.

All wrong. All lies.

In the above mentioned The Bare Facts book, Josh addresses and dispels many of the questions I’ve posed above. I’d highly recommend the book for parents and for teens.

The world wants to sell our children a different, cheaper version of sex that will leave them broken mentally and often physically. We, as parents and mentors, have to be willing to talk openly and often about sex to our kids, telling our children of its beauty, blessing, and boundaries.

If we, as parents, aren’t willing to discuss sex with our kids, then who will? And what will they tell our kids?

It’s graduation season. I rarely make cakes anymore, but this has some cute and easy elements, so I wanted to share. This isn’t the best picture (the cake had an incident on the way to the party), but I can’t access all my older pics at the moment.

If I remember correctly with the cake pictured, one of my dipped strawberries took a dive in the car, so it was smeared with frosting. (But still yum-o.) My hands are shakier than they used to be, so don’t focus on my penmanship. Overall the cake was a huge hit.

I made two 15×11 cakes and put them together and frosted them with cream cheese buttercream. For this cake the only decoration I used was my graduation strawberries and some chocolate diplomas (I bought the mold for those at a cake store.)

For the strawberry hats I used milk chocolate Ghirardelli squares and Reese’s peanut butter cup miniatures. To make the hats:

• Put the squares on a cookie sheet, plain side down. 
• Melt milk chocolate Ghirardelli chips.
• Dip the smaller end of the peanut butter cups into the melted chocolate to act as glue. Place it in the middle of a square. 
• Let them set up at room temperature or in the refrigerator.

I made the diplomas from purple dipping melts that I bought as a craft store. Use a bit of the dipping chocolate to glue those to your hardened berries. (Try to place the diplomas on about the same height of the berries–something I learned after seeing this pic. Lol.)

I also dipped the strawberries in melted Ghirardelli milk chocolate chips, so the hats match the strawberries.

Here are some tips I’ve learned after making numerous dipped strawberry displays:

• Make the graduation hats ahead of time. They will keep for quite a while.

• Instead of rinsing the berries, wipe them gently with a sightly damp towel. I wipe them again with a dry towel to make sure there is no water left. (Water will cause the chocolate to seize up). If you rinse the berries ahead of time they tend to release more water and appear to sweat after being dipped.

• Dip the strawberries the day of the event. I know it’s a pain, but they get runny if dipped too far ahead of time. If you can find stemmed berries, they tend to stay fresh longer, so you can dip those the day before.

• Don’t overheat the chocolate. I heat it on 50% power in the microwave in a small mug or little bowl, stirring every 30 seconds. If you heat the chocolate too high, you will wind up with streaking. If your chocolate does get overly hot, just stir gently it until it cools down. (You want to be able to cup the bowl comfortably with your hand.)

• Assemble everything you need before you start dipping in an assembly line. Dried berries, small bowl with chocolate, cookie sheet covered in wax paper. It goes pretty fast if you do your prep work.

• Spread waxed paper over a cool cookie sheet. (I sometimes put my cookie sheets in the freezer and pull them out right before I start dipping, especially in the Texas summers.) Set the berries on the waxed paper after dipping. I sometimes stick my berries into the freezer for 10 minutes to help them set up.

• Be gentle when you pull the berries out of the chocolate so the green stems stay in tact.

• After the strawberries set up, I use a small spoonful of melted chocolate to glue the already dried hats to the top of the berry.

Here is a pic of another graduation cake I made. If I can find the others, I’ll add them here. 

 Hope this gives you all some great ideas as we head in graduation season!

I’m having one of those mother bear days.

I try to be a “go with the flow” kind of person, to model that attitude for my kids, but sometimes the flow seems more like a tidal wave of things rushing in a different direction than they should. I feel like The Hulk–trying to be mild mannered, but something happens that I perceive as a possible threat to my children and WHAM! I morph into this wild roaring maniac.

I try to keep her caged inside me. Even if she is growling and ranting, I try to filter Mother Bear Hulk’s roars into something more moderate. But when too many things happen at once, I let loose of her chains … and my mouth.

The mother bear triggers are different for all of us, and we should be advocates for our children, but it is better to do it without leaving a trail of detritus scattered on a path behind.

So, after my mother bear moment with both Rachel’s school and her doctor’s office (three incidents in the same morning…) I felt wrung out, a branch stripped of leaves after a storm. I realized I was running without fuel.

I retreated to my room to read my Bible and get some perspective, which I probably should have done first.

As I settled into reading from the Psalms, I thought about the reasons why I need to spend time reading God’s word daily. It isn’t so I can get an “A” from God for being a top student. I need it because my soul thirsts and hungers for encouragement, for the truth, for intimacy with God. I need it like a soldier needs armor. A soldier doesn’t go into battle without training, without understanding how to use whatever tools she needs to complete her mission.

I need God’s Word like a sunburn needs aloe vera. I need God’s grace like seeds need water to grow. It is where I find my balance, where I find what feeds and nourishes my soul.

However, whenever, you can feed your soul on God’s Word, do. It will always be time well spent.

May you find yourselves awash in God’s grace and may your souls be well fed this week, my friends.

As the mother of a child with special needs, defeat is often my companion. In some ways, I have accepted the pace of growth for Rachel, but there are often days where I realize she has been left behind yet again by her peers. The pain seizes my heart and tries to choke off my joy.

Sometimes, though, disappointment and defeat don’t relate back to autsim. Sometimes I feel I failed in some other areas. Or something I hoped for doesn’t happen.

Whatever the case, it hurts. Sometimes it hurts enough to make me want to quit, be it writing, cooking, caring, or feeling. Sometimes I want to crawl under the bed and hide.

So, today, when a disappointment hit me and the desire for retreat engulfed me, I had to stop. Instead of wallowing in the moment, tossing my latest project in the trash, and throwing a big pity party, I thought about the big picture, about an eternal perspective.

I prayed, “Lord, I trust you with this failure. I trust you even in this. I’m not sure what your plans are, but I trust you with my future.”

And I felt relieved.

Did God need me to pray this?

No. God is infinite. Jesus is complete. I cannot fathom His needs, if He has any. He is complete whether I trust Him or not. But as a mom, I can understand the joy of watching my children trust me.

Furthermore, I had to say that for myself. I needed to hear it. I needed to remind myself that I did believe God is in charge. Sometimes I hold things so tightly that my desires crumble in my grip. Instead, I should hold everything with an open hand and trust God with what happens next.

Rachel loves shower gel. She loves it so much, in fact, that we might go through two bottles per day.

I tried watching her, even not letting her shower alone. I’ve also tried over the last four years to teach her how much gel to use with each shower.

But she insists. I think some if it is due to her obsessive compulsive nature, in addition to the autism, anxiety, and apraxia that cloud her mind and communication.

If Rachel opens something, whether it be a container of lemonade, glue, or soap, she wants it finished, empty, and discarded (sometimes into the carpet) so she can move on to the next thing. Other people I have known with OCD tendencies say this is common.

But the constant waste does little for my own anxiety. Understanding where she is coming from helps a great deal. And so does finding solutions to help us both.

In the shower, I installed a second shower caddy above the shower, about 7′ high. I have to stand on tippy toes to reach everything, but it helps.

I try to put a little bit of gel in the containers she can freely reach, a trick I learned from Grandma. I also continue to show her by modeling how much soap to use and verbally prompting.

In my case, at least, Rachel likes to learn the rules for how things work, but I have to remember sometimes it takes years to teach her a concept.

Sometimes the years part gets to me. But have you ever wondered about God’s patience with us? I’ve struggled with some of the same issues for years. Yet God is far more patience with me than I am with my own children. And that is something for which I am thankful.

Lord, thank you for your patience!

How about you?

My subconscious is smarter than I am.

This past week I’ve been on edge. One moment, I want to yell and rant and the next I’m wishing to hide under my covers and never come out. While I am usually pretty driven to accomplish, I feel like a balloon drifting over a windless desert.

So, today, I spent some time praying and asked God what was wrong with me. “Why am I so blue?” Some of it is hormones, those lovely horrible moans that take a perfectly sane woman and turn her into a raving monster for a day or two every month. But I knew it had to be something deeper, something more serious adding to my mental disarray.

As I prayed, I thought about the time of year–it’s May. And every May I go through this. Panic attacks, scattered thoughts, anxiety, over-thinking, on edge, depressed, and fearful. Though it has lessened over the last five or so years, I still feel it.

Why?

My subconscious has already realized what the rest of me is slower on picking up: School is about to be out.

Don’t get me wrong. I love having the girls home. I enjoy long summer days, swimming, playing, sleeping in, the feeling of potential each morning when a day is filled with unknown adventures. And I am so, so thankful I can be with them during their breaks.

But I also know that I am on the clock all the time. Not only for eldest with her needs for a close relationship with her mother, but also for Rachel and all the demands that go with having a special needs child.

Errands that I run during the school year will include Rachel during the summer. Don’t get me wrong. I love taking her places, but its easier when I don’t actually have to accomplish anything. Each trip to the store usually involves some sort of incident like the hand sanitizer debacle yesterday, which is a story for another time.

I also feel like I’m not doing enough, especially for Rachel. She needs constant speech therapy, but I have never figured out how to be therapist and mother. She needs consistency and a firm routine. Not easy for the creative and scattered mind of her mama.

I need quiet, at least part of the day, or I cannot think straight. As it is, my brain is usually half lost in a project, and I have difficulty keeping my feet in both worlds. And neither remains dormant.

Here’s the interesting thing. This panicked feeling usually lasts until about the second week of summer. Then I adjust to the new routine and we have a great time.

In August I go through it all over again because my babies are back in school and away from me for most of the day.

I feel better just knowing what is bothering me. It’s like a weight has already been lifted. When the anxious feelings come, I think of the fun times we had last summer and focus there instead of worry that I will be so exhausted I will drop where I stand. And I remind myself to cherish each MOMent because they often pass too quickly.

How about you? Is your self conscious sometimes ahead of you?

Free song download on Air1

Music feeds the soul.

The more I ponder this, the more I believe it. Songs I heard years ago will pop up in my head at the most unexpected times. Or, how about those catchy melodies that get stuck in your head so deep that only a diabolical Sudoku puzzle can root it out? Music can bring us out of the depths of depression and can cause us to celebrate.

But music can also feed the darkness inside of us, can bring us lower, possibly carry us into the depths of depression.

Music gets into our hearts and stays there. It lays down superhighways of connections in our minds. Even when terrible brain damage renders a person unable to speak, they often can sing. Music, even without lyrics, moves us, can bring us to tears, or make us dance. Music feeds and fills our souls.

As for my title and the mention of Christian music, I hope it didn’t throw you. The term “Christian music” is a rather odd one because many types of music can be Christian even if not expressly so, but the term serves its purpose in categorizing information.

I want to take a deeper look at it, though. When I say Christian music, I mean lyrics written with a Christian world view in mind and with the intent to glorify God. Does this mean every song is expressly about scripture? No. Nor is every song preachy. The songs can be about love, about disappointment, or in the case of one of my fav songs Hold Me Now by Red, the song can be about feeling lost and scared as a little kid.

The world of Christian music is as varied at the other world of musicians out there, with talented artists offering a multitude of styles and listening choices.

But what I love is how the music feeds my soul. It doesn’t feed the confusion trying to clog my thoughts, or on the desperate desire of all people to love and be loved by the elusive perfect person, nor does it feed hate, fighting, anger, depression, or lust.

Music lyrics written from a Christian world view feed the place in our souls only fulfilled by knowing God, our savior Jesus. Different songs feed the soul with scripture, love poems, hope, peace, joy, grace, and the amazing love of the Almighty God who was willing to die a horrible death so that we could know him in eternity.

Furthermore, I have seen how listening to music affects my children. Rachel, even though her autism renders her almost unable to speak, clings to songs in my iPod written by Newsboys, Michael W. Smith, Toby Mac, and City on a Hill. The music feeds her soul on a level even I cannot reach.

As for Eldest, in addition to growing spiritually, she has learned so much from some of the Christian artists she loves. Adoption from Toby Mac, caring for the poor and orphans from Audio Adrenaline, and how to care for a depressed friend from Skillet.

And the music is available almost everywhere. Check out KLOVE and, my fav, its edgier sister station Air1. Not only does the music feed my soul, but so do their DJ’s. They are fun, talk about the amazing grace of Jesus, and also raise awareness about the poor, Compassion International, Water for Life, orphans, the religious persecuted in the world and a host of other information.

Any music can bring up a problem. Christian music gives us an answer.

How about you? What feeds your soul?

If you were invited to a special needs prom, what would you expect to see? Quiet kids, plain snacks, maybe some sedate music, perhaps parents talking?

Then you haven’t seen the special needs prom held in my community.

Nine years ago, a mom decided she wanted to give her son a prom experience, but knew the school prom would be too overwhelming. She put together some ideas and invited her son’s special Olympics team mates.

Since then, the prom has grown to include all the kids with special needs in our community over age 13. Even after the kids graduate, they’re still invited.

The week before the event, a team of volunteers converge on the church’s gym and transform it into a wonderland. This year it was a candy landscape of 3-foot tall gingerbread men, frosted gingerbread houses, giant lollipops, basketball-sized candies, and more.

Add onto that, tables laden with treats, many of them made with special dietary needs in mind. A DJ leads everyone to laugh, hug, dance, cheer, and dance some more.

My favorite moment is when the attendees line up outside the main doors and are introduced like royalty. When they enter the room, dear friends yell, cheer, and greet each other with huge hugs. The crowd of people, those who would be called special and everyone else, mingle together in one sweet group.

Although I was not able to attend this year, Rachel went with hubby. I don’t think she stopped moving and squealing.

For months, the community here talks about last year’s prom. When I see some of the people who attend the prom at the store, they stop and hug me, maybe mention something from the last event. The other half of the year, people look forward to next year’s prom. What will the decorations look like? What will they wear?

And it all started with a mom’s desire to make something special for her son. Other talented moms and volunteers have joined her along the way.

Events like this happen with scores of people in the background, but it started with a small spark of an idea, a mom’s heart to do something special.

I hope, in the years to come, other moms will start these kinds of events in their communities and that churches will get behind them, offering space, time, volunteers, and prayer. That people will gather to enjoy a special night with a truly special group of people.

By Jennifer Dyer

Someday I will walk without sticking to my floors.
Someday I will leave a room and return to find it the same as I left it.
Someday I will shower without little hands banging on the door.
Someday I will potty without a posse of little helpers.
Someday I will walk through a store without Cheerios stuck to my rear.

Someday I will look back and laugh.

Someday I will listen for laughter and hear silence.

Someday I will wish for another moment, another cuddle, another hug.

In light of someday, I will cherish today.