Archive for Current events

50 Shades of reluctance.

by Jennifer Dyer

I haven’t wanted to touch this subject, but it keeps coming to mind, so here goes.

Earlier this summer, while walking through my local grocery store, I saw a large display of pretty books. The cover was a simple silver with a masquerade mask. Since it was so lovely, I picked up the book and read the back. Then dropped it.

Later, a friend brought up the books. I still didn’t know what all they entailed, just that it wasn’t my kind of book. As she described it, my mouth went dry. Really?

If you want a description of the book, see the Wikepedia article. Also look at the reviews on Amazon. In short, the book is about a college student choosing to get involved with a man who wants to keep her as his lover, and he has a sadistic/masochistic/bondage-esque view of sexual love. All three books are purported to be very graphic in nature.

Why am I telling you this without telling you much at all? So you can be aware, especially if you are like me and had no idea what the books were about. Since most of you don’t live under rocks like myself, you may be thinking, “Where have you been, Jenn?”

ANYWAY, I know a lot of you are moms and dads. I recently heard a friend relate a story about finding the book on a teen’s nightstand. The poor mother didn’t know what to do. My friend’s advice to her was solid. “Talk to your daughter, please. She needs to talk about it, and she needs you to be brave enough to talk it through with her.”

Yes, talking to your older kids before they read those books to convince them NOT to read it would be better, but my friend made a great point: “Do you want your daughter to think that kind of relationship is normal? Do you want her to get involved with a man like that? Do you want her to think that’s what marriage is?”

Be brave, my friends. Some of your kids will heed your warnings, but some of them might be enticed to read it if they see it around. Communication will help either way.

Positive messages in Batman.

by Jennifer Dyer

The Dark Knight Rises, has been all over the news. Christopher Nolan, the movie’s writer, placed a heartfelt note on the front page of the official site stating his grief over the tragedy in Aurora, CO. All of us share those sentiments of sadness and grief for the victims. Please know that any of my statements here do not detract from the tragedy so many suffered that opening night.

If the people in your life have an imagination like mine, they are probably going to see Batman, but what about all the bad press? The violence so many of those bloggers have reported? The exploitation of modern society problems, etc…? For those of you with concerns, I wanted to offer some positive viewpoints and discussion points.

In the Dark Knight trilogy, we see a man take on an alter ego in order to fight crime in his beloved home city of Gotham. The secret ID is an effort to keep Bruce Wayne’s loved one’s safe. Though originally tasked with destroying Gotham in Batman Begins because of the depravity its citizens have sunken to, Bruce decides the people are worth saving, even at the extent of his own life. Sound familiar? One willing to die for the sins of the many?

In the next movie, The Dark Knight, Batman takes on the sins of one for the betterment of all. His self-sacrifice helps peace to reign in the city. Yes, it caused a lot of problems later, but nothing is perfect when enacted by imperfect humans… Still, he took on the sins of one man in order to save a host of others.

In The Dark Knight Rises, we see a reluctant Bruce Wayne asked to take the mantle of Batman once again. Gotham needs its knight to save them again. Bruce’s body is broken from all his heroics of old, and no one argues that he doesn’t have some deep issues with guilt, anger and even aspects of morality, but he also has some good personality points.

(Spoiler alert). Bruce loses everything material in this movie, but it becomes obvious he is not trapped by the materialism enslaving his fellow Gotham-ites (?). When evil Bane (the bad guy with the breathing mask) shows up in Gotham, the people have fallen to such a state of depravity they willingly embrace anarchy and brutalize their fellow man. What the citizens don’t realize is they are playing into the very people who want to bring judgement upon them for their unchecked evil.

Bruce feels the only way to fight is to retake his Dark Knight mantle. Bruce is betrayed into Bane’s hands, though he is not surprised the person betrayed him. (Again, sound familiar?) He faces Bane even though he knows certain death will follow. He still feels fighting for the people of Gotham is worthwhile, although watching the movie it is hard to see why he loves some of those people so much…

Bruce is not killed in his confrontation with Bane. Instead Bane puts Bruce in one of the worst kinds of prison man can imagine–a prison with only a single, circular hole looking into the sky. He is left there to watch Gotham burn and to die a slow death in hell on earth. Broken and despondent, Bruce, however, wills himself to recover. He determines to do what no other man has done: climb out of hell to redeem his people.

The men in the prison chant in another language, saying, “Rise.” They watch hope rise as Bruce climbs his way to freedom. Bruce overcomes hell and sets off to save his people, flawed though they are. (Another familiar point…)

After escaping from that place, I might have headed to the Caribbean and ignored the giant boom taking Gotham off the face of the earth, but Bruce returns to fight. For the few trying to resist the evil, Batman’s return gives hope, something they thought gone. His Bat sign blazing over the city brings fear for the evil people and is a sign of impending judgement.

Again, after coming back, Bruce must face evil Bane, endure more betrayal–all while knowing his father figure turned away from him–and be willing to give up his life. He also inspires others to do their best and give their all.

I could go on. The gospel message echoes all over this movie, even though it can only be taken so far as Bruce is a human being with all the complexities of our kind. I am not saying the writers had this exactly in mind, or that the parallels are drawn to perfection, but the story is there. Some stories are written so deeply inside our hearts that they leak out whether we intend it or not.

Yes, there is violence in Batman, but I witnessed more violence standing outside a Quentin Terantino movie (and I couldn’t see the screen). There are monsters among the Batman villains, but our world is full of monsters, only many of them have a lovely mask over their true face of evil. Some people complained that the city of Gotham takes up the riots all too easy, but how many times has humanity done the same thing? That city needed a self-sacrificial savior, as do we all. The advantage we have is that ours lived a perfect life and paid the price of our sins once and for all.

Spoof with Cookie Monster

This is for all you moms and anyone else out there hearing “Call me Maybe” repeatedly. Hilarious!

Steve Laube Fun Fridays

Another first day of school…

by Jennifer Dyer

Last night I hardly slept. I kept waking up and wondering if it was time to take the kids to school. At one point I recalled my childhood and my first-day-of-school jitters. Would I make friends? Would school be hard? Will people make fun of me? Will my teacher be nice?

Last night all those old fears and more rolled around in my head for my two girls.  Will eldest like her new school? Did we do the right thing in moving here? When will eldest make some good friends? When will we have a home so I can invite them over? (That’s another story. I’ll try to get to that tomorrow…)

Then there was Rachel. What about her special needs class? It seemed nice on open house night, but we were there all of five minutes. Rachel spent the entire time trying to run out the door. What will she do when we get to school, and I have to…ACK!…leave her. What will I do? Will we be able to keep up with homework for both girls? Will Rachel get the therapy she needs? Will she eventually like it there? Will there be any violent kids in her special needs class? Will she be afraid?

I could go on, but the list is getting tiring, as I am sure you agree. But perhaps some of you have experienced the same feelings. Eldest is in fourth grade, and each year the same thoughts swirl in my mind. Leaving her at kindergarten was like tearing my heart in two. (One of my first thoughts after that kindergarten day was, “I am NOT letting her leave for college. Ever!”)

Raising children is difficult. It forces me to face my deepest fears. I also face my inadequacies and must watch that I do not pass my insecurities onto my children. I must separate what occurred in my childhood from what they experience. And I must support them without ALWAYS interjecting my opinions into what I think they should do with every minute of their day and in every interaction they experience. Plus, the same me that wished they would entertain themselves during the summer cries when they go off to school and leave me alone. I’m never quite sure which way I am turning.

So, fellow parents, whatever circumstances in which you find yourself today, I wish you well. If you just sent your kids off to school, keep an eye on the clock. The morning dragged on, but I just realized I need to leave in just a minute to get the girls.

Hugs!

Bedtime, stress, and perspective from the news.

by Jennifer Dyer

Bedtime, who needs it? Mommy, that’s who.

A long time has passed since I last updated this blog. Why? The best reason I can offer is busyness and the lack of desire to deal with the deeper realities of my life. Tonight is no different, but I’m hoping I will sleep better knowing I have done something productive. Even as I write this Rachel yells for a water refill, which she has spilled on the carpet. Again. Perhaps I should buy a Sonic apron and some roller skates.

A few minutes ago hubby announced that it was time to head upstairs and go to bed. Our daughter Rachel never calms down until all the lights are off and everyone else is asleep. I feel as though we are back in the early days of having a new baby who screamed until 11 pm every night. It’s discouraging. Exhausting. Maddening. There is no escaping from the constant needs of autism, and lack of sleep makes it so much worse. Hubby gets stressed, which makes me more stressed, which makes me short tempered and fearful, which makes it harder for me to fall asleep, and results in me wishing I were glued to the couch when hubby announces it’s time for bed. I want to fade into the cushions. I want to run away. I want everyone to get along and do what they are supposed to do without a huge fight. I want something to change… And I want the batteries in Elmo to die, but that would bring Rachel into our bedroom insisting we fix him. I will give in long before she does.

Alas, reality doesn’t go to happy land, Elmo doesn’t stop singing and talking in the third person, and I have to haul my carcass off the couch. I resist the urge to snarf chocolate chips as a way of self medicating. Instead, I check the laundry one last time–the same laundry that I have to rewash again tomorrow because all the clean towels were used in a Play-Doh restaurant before I could get them folded.

But, as I settle into bed, my mind flies to the other side of the world. A place far away from Elmo, eldest and her constant stomach aches that magically occur just at bedtime, away from the constant tyranny of autism, and away from my constant complaints. Watching the footage of that tsunami in Japan is horrifying. My heart goes out to all the people in Japan, but as I am a mommy, I think about the many mothers there tonight. Some of them are having to tuck their children into bed in refuge centers. Some have to tend to injured. Some… I can hardly think about what else they may have endured.

That being said, I feel better already. Yes, I get jealous when my friends talk about their kids going to bed right at eight o’clock and staying asleep until morning. However, on the grand scale of things, I am so thankful for what I have. Plus, I am about to hit the year mark for my diagnosis with cancer. That makes me think of what could not have been, namely me in the picture.

Perhaps I can do another bedtime, maybe even with a smile on my face, even if I do have a few house calls from Dr. Hershey… And perhaps Elmo will take a little journey to a better place. Namely, not mine…

Good night, friends. I must turn this off so Rachel will perhaps go to sleep.

An eight-year-old’s Christmas list.

by Jennifer Dyer

The other day my eight-year-old emailed me a Christmas wish list. I thought it would be filled with presents for herself, but I was touched when I saw that most of the items were things for others or things she could share with her autistic sister. It confirms my understanding that having a special needs sibling builds amazing character.

Wish List
1.Two front teeth

2.iPad for dad

3.Dairy of a wimpy kid books and movie

4.$40 iTunes gift card (her autistic sister would benefit from a program that is on iTunes)

5.A pool (her autistic sister LOVES to swim)

6. Money to pay bills (mom’s medical bills from this past year)

7. Treehouse

8. A twin

9. A jungle jim (little sister loves to climb and swing)

10.  Maybe a house in Texas (to be near family)

Happy Black Friday!

by Jennifer Dyer

Here is a shopping tip for surviving those wild Black Friday sales: shop online while you eat some pie.

Happy Christmas season. May you have time to dwell on the meaning of this season.

Oh, and does anyone else find it ironic that Charlie Brown and the Peanuts gang are used to advertise colored aluminum trees?

Eating disorders and body image issues.

Body image issues press us from every side, from grocery isle checkout stands with recipes for chocolate cake next to ultra thin models touting their latest diets to shopping for clothing. But this leads so many of us down the wrong path toward elusive self-perfection that is more destructive than we ever imagined.

Today I thought I would link you to something I wrote for MomLifeToday.

Eating disorders and body image problems.

I hope that you have a day of freedom from this. So many of us suffer from body image and self image issues. Why? In the MomLifeToday link I discuss the root of the issue for me, but perhaps it is different for others. But the important part is to get the root and work on that.

Remember, you are loved and cherished, my friends!

Voting with my autistic daughter.

by Jennifer Dyer

As any stay-at-home-mom knows, voting can be a challenge. I’ve gone through several elections with my children in tow and strapped to my body via Baby Bjorn.

One election, though, when Rachel was only two and still undiagnosed with autism stands out the most. At the time I knew she had major issues and suspected autism, but she hadn’t been diagnosed yet.

So, in we trotted to the voting area. I had managed to make it to early voting that year, only because my eldest had a dancing class across the hall from the poling spot. Straightening my sloppy pony tail, I pulled open the doors and worked Rachel’s little stroller through the door, having to stop twice to unhinge Rachel’s fingers from the frame. (Why go to a boring room when sister’s dance class has those fun mirrored walls?)

Once I made it inside, I was greeted by the Grandmother election brigade. All eyes swiveled toward us and frowns creased each forehead. I shrank a little inside, but Rachel took no noticed. Instead she screamed. And shrieked. And hooted. And started to strip naked.

But, as civic responsibility was a stake, I pressed on. I smiled at the nearest grim granny and handed her my license … after digging through my purse and re-strapping Rachel into her stroller six times. Voters turned from their tasks to stare at the troublemakers, the other grannies added their disapproving grimaces, and several people tisked. I felt as though they were all thinking, “Why can’t that lady control her child?”

Near tears myself, I gave up on pretending I didn’t have a half-naked, screaming toddler in a stroller. I sighed and gestured to Rachel. “I’m sorry she is being so loud. We think she is autistic, but we’re still waiting to get into the developmental pediatrician. She’s a bit overwhelmed.”

An interesting thing happened. Every single granny in that room melted. Instead of frowns, they all made sympathetic noises and a few nearly tripped themselves trying to get over and offer Rachel some comfort. That was a moment when I realized fearing a diagnosis would not help me. Yes, it was painful when I would later heard a doctor say it, but knowing and understanding what was going on with Rachel would not only benefit her, but it would help others to understand her more. Who knew voting could be so helpful?

Bullying: who has the power?

by Jennifer Dyer

Bullying is often an issue of power. In many cases the bully-er is not a “bad” person, and they may not even be intending to hurt others. Some kids (and adults) feel the world would be a better place if it were run by them. They tend to mow over others in order to maintain that position of power. Other people enjoy the power they feel from being hateful and rude to others. They usually have some deep psychological issues from their own feelings of inferiority and lack of power. Some people are taught to hate by those around them and may continue to live in that ignorance.

Why is this important to understand? It helps to know the “enemy.” I want my daughter to understand why people do mean things. Are they afraid? Has someone made them feel so small that this is their only way to deal with the world? Perhaps their lives lack compassion, or perhaps they have no idea that they hurt others by their words. Perhaps they lack a personal edit button. Whatever the reason, once we understand the heart of a person it is easier to love them, to deal with them, to pray for them, to forgive them, and to have compassion for them. Forgiving and having compassion for someone who has hurt you is a way to transfer power, so to speak.

In my post for MomLifeToday entitled, “Bullying: How does a mother deal with it?” I spoke of meeting a black woman who had grown up in the deep south before the 1960′s. If anyone understood bullying, it was her. She told me some of the most heart wrenching stories, but instead of living in bitterness, she lived in peace, love, and understanding of those who persecuted her because of her wise mother. Her mother helped her see that the people who hated her just didn’t understand God and His amazing love. They even prayed for those who hurt them as a family. Amazing! Through her parent’s support, she grew into an amazing person in spite of the hate she endured.

In addition to understanding “the enemy,” understanding self is important. I remember an instance where someone “hurt my feelings.” One of my friends shook his head at me and said, “No, he didn’t hurt your feelings. You allowed his actions to have an impact on your feelings. You are giving him the power over your emotions.” Yes, we could argue that this is not always accurate, or that simple, but my friend’s advice helped me see that I had power over how I let others affect me. I could choose, to an extent, how much I let someone’s actions or words to impact my life. Suddenly, I was empowered.

What are some ways you have helped your children understand others and deal with the negative words and actions that have affected them?

Also, a good book for reading and discussing the bullying issue with your children is, Blubber, by Judy Blume.  (Book review on Blubber.)