Archive for June 30, 2012

30 Jun 2012
Autism • Moms • Parenting

Grandparents change the world.

by Jennifer Dyer

As I mentioned on Wednesday in my post “Moms giving up the world for their family,” I have been going through a study entitled the Life Ready Woman by Shaunti Feldhahn. Among other things, we have studied the many seasons in a woman’s life.

Another season I want to address is grandparent-hood. How many of us learned something significant from spending time with grandmothers and grandfathers? For me, I learned, among other things, the art of pie making from my grandmother. Every Thanksgiving I would get to prepare all the pies with Grandma. Those times are among my favorite memories.

After pie-making, we would always take a walk. Grandma believed in staying physically fit. She also tried to teach me to crochet–I never could get passed a single string–and passed on to us a faith in the Lord that was unwavering. Even though we only saw her and Grandpa a few times a year, she poured into our lives when able.

My other grandmother, Grandmaw, wrote us letters every month. She wrote us songs and plays. The few times we saw her, she taught us to make some of the best biscuits known to man. She lived on the other side of the country, but she still worked to impact our lives and to pass on her unwavering faith in the Lord. Even though it was perhaps indirectly, I believe I my love of writing comes from her. When Grandma was dying, Grandmaw would spend hours next to her bed reading her scriptures and singing her songs.

As for my children, they have two wonderful grandmothers. Both pour into the lives of all their grandchildren. In fact, eldest is in a summer camp this week and remarked that she was sad she wasn’t getting her game time with Grandmaw and Grandpaw.

They, along with Mimi and Granddaddy, have maximized this season of their lives to breathe life and love into the lives of others. Though health issues impede Mimi and Granddaddy somewhat, they still work hard to have an impact on all their grandchildren, including impromptu fly-fishing lessons, playing games, finding ways to connect to Rachel (my daughter with autism), and always making sure the chicken nuggets are hot.

In addition to their own grandchildren, Grandmaw and Grandpaw have been able to use their retirement to spend hours at the local public school reading with and tutoring children. They are not only pouring into the lives of their own family, but into other children as well. They are living this season of their lives to give to others.

In addition to my own parents, I have many friends whose parents spend copious amounts of time with their grandchildren. Some of my friends who have demanding jobs are blessed to have parents that fill in the gap with the children.

How about you? What sort of grandparent stories do you have?

For other ideas, check out these articles about the empty nest. Also check out Barbara and Susan’s Guide to the Empty Nest by Barbara Rainey and Susan Yates. You can find more information about Barbara and Susan here.

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28 Jun 2012
Moms • Parenting • school-age • Special Needs

Moms giving up the world for their family.

by Jennifer Dyer

This summer I am participating in a wonderful Bible study entitled the Life Ready Woman by Shaunti Feldhahn and Robert Lewis. Among all the other great things we are learning, Shaunti has talked about the seasons in a woman’s life.

One of the life seasons for many of us includes motherhood. First of all, motherhood is not simply about giving birth. It is about pouring love and life into another individual to launch them into the world. It is purposeful living in order to bring up another person.

While studying this, I keep thinking about the multitude of moms I have encountered in my life. I wanted to honor many of them and their sacrifices here.

So many of my friends have a BC and AC bio. By that I mean “Before Children” and “After Children.” These BC bios range from thriving law practice, marketing guru, jet-setting fashion designer, corporate-ladder climber, teacher, case worker, supervisor, Marine, international business woman …. And that is just the beginning.

What about their AC bio? Part-time fitness instructor, stay-at-home mom, lunch lady, student, substitute teacher (in order to be involved at the school), teaching assistant, admin assistant (in order to reduce work load and the need to work tons of overtime), working with her child that needs therapy, part-time therapist, and kid chauffeur/soccer mom.

Becoming a mom changed these women’s lives–and I don’t mean just the giving birth part. In fact, many moms I know (including my own mother) adopted some or all of their children–some from foster care, others from other countries, and others from domestic agencies or from their spouse’s previous relationships. Again, being a mom is not just about giving birth or genetic ties. It is about love and nurturing and time.

I love thinking over each of these situations and the amazing way motherhood has shaped so many of these women. Their sacrifices and love are pouring into the next generation. Some of them were scared to give up their exciting lives for the prospect of changing diapers and driving to soccer practice. Many have given up financial security and affluence. They have poured themselves into this short season of life in order to be a part of other lives.

Not all the women I know have been able to make major changes in their careers or leave their careers behind, but motherhood still changed to their lives and hearts.

In addition to moms, many of the dads I know have also changed their lives to spend more time with their children. Some turn down a demanding promotion or change jobs in order to work from home. Some, finding themselves single dads, have changed focus entirely. These dads are every bit as devoted to loving and launching their children into the world.

What about you? What kind of stories do you have about how motherhood changed you or others you know? How has is changed your heart’s desires? Have you been able to find ways to follow those?

For more Mom Ideas check out this great new book Be the Mom by Tracey Eyster. You can pre-order it now here. More info about Tracey is available here.

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25 Jun 2012
apraxia • Autism • Moms • Parenting

Focus on the important.

by Jennifer Dyer

I haven’t seen my computer in days. I constantly think, “That would make a great blog,” but I rarely get to follow through.

Why?

It’s summer and I am Mommy full-time. Rachel, who is now 8, needs constant mothering. With her autism, speech deficits, apraxia, and sensory issues, there is always something for me to do.

So, I am writing to say, Hang in there, moms! Some things, like child rearing and teaching, are the most important jobs we are given. Yes, they are time consuming and exhausting, but well worth it.

As I learned in our RDI training, being my child’s mentor and teacher are one of my most important roles. Exhausting? Yes. Rewarding? Yes.

So, I’m off to pick up eldest and do more dot-to-dots with Rachel on the floor.

Hang in there, my friends! This is but a season in life, and a rewarding season at that.

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18 Jun 2012
Book Reviews • Moms • Teens • Tweens

Great YA book giveaway!

Nikolas and Co

Readers, you will want to check out this giveaway by author Kevin McGill

Take the Ride!

http://nikolasandcoepisode2free.weebly.com/blog-content.html

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11 Jun 2012
Book Reviews • Moms • Parenting • Teens • Tweens

Summer Romance reading for romantics of all ages.

Summer Reading

by Jennifer Dyer

I’ve always loved to read. When I was a teen, I loved romance. Sadly, the only books I found were filled with explicit love scenes–images I didn’t need to fill my young mind.

Today’s writing market, though, is an entirely different story (har, har). While some books are filled with very explicit material, there are tons of pages filled with romance and captivating stories.

Recently, I asked Tricia Goyer, a bestselling author, if all of her 30-plus books were appropriate for teens interested in romance.

She wrote me a great answer!

“I think all of my books are okay for teens. Chasing Mona Lisa does has some violence with the bad guys, but that’s able the “edgiest.” There is some HARD scenes in my WWII novels, but nothing too graphic.

Here’s is something…
>
The Truth About Christian Romance Novels

I’ve gotten the question more than once, “You write romance novels?”

I can see the confusion in the eyes of the person asking the question. She looks like such a sweet person…why would she write THAT?

First, I want to defend romance. The Bible is filled with romantic stories–just look at Ruth and Boaz or Mary and Joseph! Romance isn’t just about butterflies in our stomachs and heart-pounding attraction. It’s about choosing another and expressing love in considerate ways. (And I won’t even mention Song of Solomon!)

Also, God is romantic! My favorite Scripture verse is Zephaniah 3:17:

“ The Lord your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing.”

One of my favorite moments with my husband is when I curl next to his chest and his strokes my head and kisses my forehead. When I read this verse that’s how I picture God, and someday I’m looking forward to being the Bride of Christ!

Also, there is a difference between Christian romance novels and the secular romance novels that we see on bookstore shelves. In my novels, my characters get two kisses…maybe three per book. Yes, I know there are some Christian romance novels that are more “hot and heavy” but you’ll have to talk to those authors about that! Personally, I don’t want to write anything that I wouldn’t have let my sweet homeschooled junior-higher read.

When I write my novels I don’t create perfect characters. They have their own issues and struggles. I never want a reader to think, “I wish my husband was perfect, just like this character.” No one is perfect, not even the characters in my books!

Finally, my desire in every novel I write is for the main romance to be between my main character and God. I want my protagonist to grow in her (or his) relationship with God first and foremost. I know not every reader will walk through a sweet romance with another person like in the pages of my books, BUT every reader can have a growing relationship with God. This is a love they can count on!”

So, there you have it. Get reading, my friends, and if your older tweens and teens have a yearning for books with a romantic twist, Tricia Goyer has enough to fill most of your summer.

More on books later!

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08 Jun 2012
apraxia • Autism • Moms • Special Needs

Sweet grocery store moment with Rachel

by Jennifer Dyer

We've run out of hot dogs???

Today, as I pulled out lunch, Rachel said and signed, “Hot dog?” With her autism and sensory issues, Rachel still has a limited repertoire of foods she will eat, and a certain brand of hot dogs are on the short list.

“Okay.” I looked in the drawer to pull them out.

Uh. Oh.

We were out of hot dogs.

“Do you want to go to the store?” I asked.

Rachel laughed her huge, exuberant laugh, and danced around the kitchen, her version of “yes.”

Rachel is actually a good helper at the store. Sometimes a little too good of a helper–there have been times I’ve watched the clerk check out items I didn’t put in the cart… Compared to four years ago when Rachel would scream and strip naked the moment we entered a store, she is a true champ.

Today was no exception. She made certain I bought all of the packages of hot dogs they had–hey, the girl plans ahead, right? She also chose her favorite cheese, a spare bag of Fritos, and lemonade. Then she was ready to go.

At the checkout, I was again impressed. Formerly, Rachel would scream to get out of the cart and try to run away. This time she sat still and talked to her feet.

Everything was fine until the store clerk tried to talk to her, and she didn’t respond. His brow wrinkled. “Not gonna talk to me, huh?”

I debated what to say. I thought back to a friend’s painful experience getting her daughter’s haircut (check for that story on MomLifeToday June 18th).

Instead of pretending nothing was wrong, I smiled at the man. “Rachel has autism. She doesn’t always respond right away. She is still learning to talk, but she is a really big helper.”

I could tell the man had a really great heart. He shrugged and kept his eyes focused on Rachel, still talking to her. “No big deal. You don’t have to talk back. It doesn’t bother me at all.”

Interestingly, the man helping to bag my groceries has become my special friend at the store. He gives me a hug every time I enter and says, “Have a great day.” He also attends our church’s special needs prom every year. I could see him watching Rachel. I don’t know if he has a diagnosis of autism, but I smiled and explained to him about Rachel too. I also said, “She’s a great helper at the store!”

It was interesting to watch him. His face lit up and he spoke to Rachel, as though they were long-time friends. It was also as if a barrier dropped between us.

In addition, the man checking us out kept cracking jokes with the bagging assistant. I really appreciated how easy the interaction was. It was like some sort of special-needs barrier-dropping nexus had taken us into its light.

I left with a warm feeling all the way to my toes. So many of my experiences in public are full of stares and questioning glances, and that is on good days.

Makes me think of Heaven, except Heaven will be infinitely better. I’m not sure how all things will be made new and what that means for autism and other special needs, but I had a tiny peek at how nice it will be.

I pray you, my friends, will experience the same kinds of peeks in your lives too!

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06 Jun 2012
apraxia • Autism • character building/discipline • Moms • Parenting • school-age • Tweens

Putting the Mom in Summer.

by Jennifer Dyer

Playing school

Somewhere along the way, summer changed from the easy-going, take-time-to-read days from my childhood. It feels as if I must make each day a huge adventure and give my children a resume of epic proportions to hand out when they return to school in August. Have you experienced some of the same pressures?

Today I decided to take summer back. Even grabbing fast food snacks was off limits for the day–not that we do that daily, but eldest always seems to ask.

As I had my 6-y/o nephew at the house also, I decided to put some of the kid’s nature talents and leanings to work. Eldest, at 10-years-old, is the big boss. So, I handed her an ABC book. “Read this to Rachel, and help her to say the letters and sounds.”

While eldest read, I pulled out a worksheet for Rachel. After the book finished, I handed eldest a pencil. “Help Rachel write the numbers on this sheet.”

Meanwhile I took my nephew upstairs and pulled out a “fun puzzle game.” What he didn’t know is that the “game” was a pattern builder, which helps strengthen reading and math skills. Once eldest and Rachel joined us upstairs, we dotted cursive words on the white boards for my nephew to learn and dotted numbers for Rachel to trace. While eldest set up the other’s “work,” I kept the younger ones busy with other “games” and puzzles. It worked well.

Though they didn’t know it, I had just taught them the oldest game in my repertoire–”school.” My sister and I spent hours playing this game, both with each other and teaching our class of stuffed animals.

Why they never play this with each other mystifies me. Have I robbed them imaginations by letting them watch TV and play video games? I know some experts would say yes. When I think about it, mommy guilt tries to leap onto my already full shoulders. But I cannot change the past. I can only encourage them to be more creative.

The key there is the “I.” How tempting it is for me to want to do my own thing. I don’t mean reading a book at the spa, although that sounds nice. I have to put my own agenda (dishes, laundry, writing) aside and engage with the kids in order to get them started. At first it seems daunting, expending all that energy on games when I have so little to begin with, but it does pay off emotionally for me. I feel successful when I engage the kids and teach them something.

Furthermore, I know eldest feels successful when she helps her younger sister. Between Rachel’s apraxia and autism, she needs a lot of intervention. Plus, she feels successful when she can interact with her sister. Everyone wins.

For more “Mom” encouragement, check out the upcoming book Be the Mom by Tracey Eyster.

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05 Jun 2012
character building/discipline • Parenting • Tweens

Teaching character through writing.

by Jennifer Dyer

When I picked up eldest after school the other day, she slumped into the car and folded her arms across her chest. Meanwhile her two younger cousins trudged across the field carrying multiple heavy bags full of the school’s gerbil and her accoutrements.

“Honey, go help your cousins.”

Eldest had suddenly gone deaf. Not even a eye twitch to show she had heard me. I repeated myself. Three times, the last without the “honey.” Nothing. Either she had lost both eardrums or she was ignoring me.

By this time, her cousins were getting close. She was watching them, resisting my mother-commands, hoping they would get to the car before I figured out she still had perfect hearing.

Hmm. I looked her in the eye with my mother beam-of-doom. “Go. Help. Them.”

She scowled at me, narrowed her eyes, huffed, and flounced out off the car, stopping only to glare at me through the window.

Really…?

I waited until we got home to whisper in her ear. “We are going to have a little talk in a few minutes.”

She gave me big innocent eyes. “Whatever for?”

I smiled. She knew perfectly well what we would talk about, and she could just stew about it for a while.

After her cousins had gone their separate ways, I sat her down. Dad was behind me, being the muscle and cracking his knuckles. (Okay, not really, but it is a funny picture…)

Anyway, I told her she was going to write me an essay–a blog, in today’s terms.

Her jaw fell open. “But that’s what you do.” (Apparently, anything a tween’s mom does is automatically relegated to acts-of-un-coolness.) Oh well, doesn’t bother me. I forged on.

“I want one sheet of paper written on why you should help others, and what God says about helping others.”

She exhaled.

“And.”

Her head shot up. “And?”

“Yes, and I want another one-page report/blog/essay/paper on why you should respect your parents, again noting what the Bible has to say about that.”

Groan. She immediately developed a limp, but managed to get up the stairs to her room.

As soon as she was out of earshot, hubby high-fived me. (Who knew parents carried on like that?) “Nice one. You know how she feels about writing.”

It took her quite a while to get the writing done, but she turned in a nice paper. I resisted the urge to edit it–that wasn’t the point, after all. Plus, I don’t want to deter her from writing. On the contrary, writing is a nice way to think through issues, and I wanted to provide her with that chance.

So, I’m looking forward to future reports. Someday she might have a blog entitle, “Things my mother made me write about.” :-)

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01 Jun 2012
Autism • Moms • Parenting • Special Needs

Summer, stress, and special needs.

by Jennifer Dyer

The other day a friend called. “I’m having panic attacks.”

I nodded, even though she couldn’t see me. “Me too. You want to know what I think is going on? Summer is just days away.”

The advent of summer means free time and no school, which was great for me as a kid, but as the mom…? Ack! What am I going to do all summer?

Summer also means a lack of schedule, increased energy drain on mom, and sometimes a decrease in therapy for special needs students.

So, between the two of us, we came up with a plan for her summer.

One, she belongs to a community pool, so she will use it. Daily, as though it is another therapy session or class. Yes, she will have to get into the water with her little one, but almost everyone benefits from water exercise. It’s easy on the joints and helps keep a person in shape.

Two, head to the gym. Her little one can stay in the nursery area while mom gets some hard core exercise to help reduce anxiety. In order to get a jump on those nasty stress hormones, get your heart rate up and keep it up for at least 20 minutes. In many cases, the harder the workout the better.

When I asked my friend Meghan Lepkowski, LCSW; MSW, a behavioral health specialist, about the importance of exercise, she said, “Exercise has been shown to be just as effective as medications in the reduction of anxiety symptoms. Furthermore, a good run may be just the thing that your body needs in order to convince the brain that it has responded effectively to the threat that triggered the fight or flight response in the first place.”

Great advice!

Three, go for walks. True, it gets hot here in the south, but if little one is up early in the morning, head for a walk. If the little one protests about being in the wagon or stroller, put in some ear buds and crank up the volume on the iPod–to a non-ear- damaging volume, please. Also possible: head to the mall–leave the credit cards at home, though. Just enjoy the cool air and walk.

If the day is impossibly long by the time hubby gets home, head for a walk or run then too, either as a family or alone. It stays light until 8:30 or 9 around here, so that is doable, if hubby goes for it.

Check out local community centers and libraries for summer programs. Museums and other venues, such as malls, sometimes host children’s programs. Even some movie theaters host events llike $1 summer movies for kids in the mornings, and at least here in DFW, I’ve seen Studio Movie Grill host special movie showings for kids with special needs (lights brighter and sounds softer).

When we finished listing all the possibilities, plus meals, nap time, and therapy time we realized the days will be full of fun.

And don’t forget to check out Tracey Eyster’s new book, Be the Mom. Order it today!

Going back to what Meghan said, a lot of these activities involve moving. Kids need exercise and movement as much as moms, but sometimes for different reasons. Children need to burn energy, strengthen muscles, and learn coordination. Moms need to burn calories and stress.

Interesting note: even though I spend a month having panic attacks before summer hits, I always cry when school starts up again because we have had so much fun.

So, hang in there, moms! Enjoy your kids. Play hard. Beat the heat and the stress monster this summer, and stock up on Kleenex. You’ll have such a great summer, you’ll need all the tissue you can find when school starts back up.

What about you? Any summer fun ideas?

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