JenniferDyer.net

by Jennifer Dyer

Last night I struggled with envy. Not the “I want that kind of car” envy. It was more, “I’m jealous because her children don’t have autism and they do more fun things as a family.”

Hubby and eldest left for eldest’s awards ceremony, and I stayed home with Rachel. Maybe someday Rachel will be able to sit through those kinds of ceremonies, but she is not to the point yet, at least not if anyone wants to hear what is going on … with someone other than our family.

Rachel was feeling bored, so she began her usual Making Constant Requests of Mommy routine. Anger bubbled in my gut after a few minutes. Why couldn’t we all go to the ceremony? All those other people are sitting there, their children with them. They’ll probably go out for a nice family dinner, and no one will even try to toss the table over. They are sitting there in air conditioning while I use the weed eater to keep Rachel entertained and to drown out the sound of her demands. And … ack! I’ll bet no one else encountered a snake tonight. Shiver!

Yes, I know. I’m waaaaay too dramatic. I know that other children dump over tables and run naked in the front lawn, but sometimes it’s hard for me to see past my own issues. In fact, I know the people I envy have their own problems. But sometimes I give into the ugly envy monster anyway.

After the snake incident–and yes, it really did happen … blech!!–I knew I needed to change my mental direction. Instead of whining, I thought of blessings. I thanked God for each joy that came to mind. I kept thanking Him, and pretty soon the Ugly Green Monster had to leave. Over the years I have learned that thankfulness is the enemy and remedy of the Ugly Green Monster. The struggle I have is employing the discipline to think thankful thoughts when tempted.

I found it interesting that this morning, in my Bible, I read the following verse:

Proverbs 14:30