Archive for February 21, 2011

Motivation and autism

by Jennifer Dyer

We have issues. Who doesn’t? I struggle with motivating our autistic daughter, especially when it comes to getting out of bed and into the car. I’ve tried begging, pleading, crying, dragging, whining, sneaking up on her, carrying her to the car in her sleep, wrestling, and enticing with food. None of it worked. “Your sister will be tardy,” doesn’t work either. So, I resigned myself to dismal mornings filled with stress.

A few weeks ago I attended a conference by taught by Tamara Kasper who spoke on using ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) techniques to motivate a child with autism to speak. (As we live in the RDI (Relationship Development Intervention) world, ABA is a bit foreign to our family.)

Before it started, I wondered if Tamara Kasper would focus on little drills to help children learn to speak in small steps, which is what I had understood about ABA. Yes, there was some of that, but the main point is finding ways to motivate children with autism and the proper way to use those motivating factors.

First, what does the child like to do? This question stumped me at first. I thought there was no way to motivate Rachel. We have bought almost every toy you could imagine and still were no closer to helping her engage with us. But when Ms. Kasper mentioned that one of the kids she had worked with liked to hug an empty gas can, I thought, “Oh, that kind of thing.”

In that case, Rachel likes vacuum cords, the vacuum hose, one Laurie Berkner video, and toys that squish. Usually. She also likes to swing, but only when she is in the mood. She takes my iPhone earbuds and flips them around, and found a rainbow-colored jump-rope at gymnastics that she loved. She often rotates what she likes, but I had a starting point.

So, now what?

What I gathered from Ms. Kasper was to start small. Work those motivating toys into activities, such as getting a child to name a picture on a card, but make certain you only use the motivators when you are working on the desired behavior. Put them away otherwise.

So, I thought about our car-in-the-morning issue. I bought the same rainbow jump-rope Rachel had seen at gymnastics and hid it. The next morning, I pulled the jumprope from my hiding spot and took it into Rachel. I held it out and told her she could have it in the car. She reached for it, but I pulled it back just out of her reach. She followed it down the stairs; once she got into the car I handed it to her. I let her have it until she got to school, then I hid it once she was in her classroom. The next morning I did the same, and it worked!

My plan this week is to expand upon the getting-up routine. Before she can have the jump-rope, I will have her brush her hair and get into the car. Once she is successful at that, I will add tooth brushing. Her speech therapist at school showed me a motivating board to use with this, so once I make it I will take a picture and post it. I also plan to incorporate more motivating toys.

We’ll see…

Autism and weekends—a time of rest?

by Jennifer Dyer

Weekends used to be something to look forward to. Autism has changed that. Weekends are a challenge these days, with Rachel being out of her routine and needing extra attention while the rest of us need to complete major chores. Yet each task completed usually ends in two more for me to do.

This weekend we needed to fix the fence and do some yard work. I thought Rachel was innocently occupied while I worked, but… the red marker all over my minivan tells another story. Yes, she may be a budding artist, but I wish I could convince her to use paper.

Going places like parks is usually out of the question. Yes, she loves them, but sharing swings is something she doesn’t grasp. That used to be difficult, but now that she has gotten so much bigger, it has become something that takes two, maybe three strong adults to control.

But I have realized something … again. Life is not about completing every task to perfection. It’s not about perfection at all. Yes, my house and life and hair lacks perfection, but I’m not a sitcom (although there is plenty of comedy around here.) Life is about people, love, and making the most of each day. That doesn’t mean that everything works out the way I want.

So, what do I need to do? Loosen up and let the little things go. Perfect doesn’t exist, at least around here, so I might as well learn to like it.

Special needs parenting–messy car saves the day.

by Jennifer Dyer

Some days I feel anything but blessed. In fact, as the mother of an autistic daughter, I often feel defeated and lost. This afternoon was no different. I picked up Rachel from school early so I could get her to therapy. Of course, I was in a rush and arrived at therapy two minutes late. But, I thought, no problem. We’ll just run inside.

Kind of hard to do when I have no clothes in the car for Rachel, yes?

That’s right. I didn’t have a dress for her and the pair of leggins the school managed to put on her was vetoed when she tried to rip them in half. (The dress she apparently had stuffed in a toy basket back at school.) Honestly, Rachel turns into a fighting octopus when I try to dress her. So, what to do? I considered taking her inside naked, but it was rather cold and that seemed like a good way to get more stares than usual… Ten minutes had passed and her therapist was texting me to see if we were going to arrive sometime in the current century.

Fortunately, as my keep-the-car-clean campaign had failed miserably due to Rachel’s protests, I found a dirty school uniform dress stuffed under one of the seats and wrestled her into it. Yay for a messy car! She proceeded to therapy and only hung onto my arm for a few minutes before heading to the ball pit. And this time I knew she had on panties…which is another story full of fun and, a-ha, ha, laughs.

Messy car saves the day, my friends. So, instead of cleaning out your car, go have a coffee.

Ten second mom makeover.

by Jennifer Dyer

Have you ever had a case of the blahs? As a mom, especially of a special needs child, my appearance is not my first thought … until I glance in the mirror. Some days it’s a bit frightening. Other days I feel bland and drab. I seem to specialize in the jeans and a plain shirt kind of look. This may seem a bit silly, but I have found that when my outside looks downtrodden, my emotional state tends to follow suit.

I wondered how other moms managed to look put together. Perhaps it was a lot of time and money spent on hair, make-up, and designer clothes. But I realized that wasn’t it. Many times it was accessories. One of my friends dressed up jeans and a plain white tee by adding a turquoise necklace her daughter made. Another friend made a black shirt and pants festive by paring it with a big crystal necklace.

So, I went to a few stores that sell accessories for under twenty dollars and bought a few, mostly in neutral colors or black that would match almost everything I owned. The result? You’d be amazed at how many times I get complimented on how nice I look when I add a necklace. And I feel a bit uplifted when I look in the mirror. Somehow a few silly beads makes me feel a bit better.

So, there you have it. My ten second make-over. I’d like to add a word of caution, though. It’s amazing how often those cute $12 necklaces you get in fun accessory stores get sold in fancy little boutiques for over five times the price. So, don’t overspend.

Have a happy, colorful day.

And for dads? Well…I’ve got nothing. Buy your daughter and/or wife some beads and call it a day. :-)