What are the sex lies we buy and wish we hadn’t?

by Jennifer Dyer

Valentines is here again. Romance seems at the forefront of TV shows, store displays, and commercials.

But is the romance those places sell good for us? Or is it leading us to believe lies that will end up hurting us?

Join me on More To Be as we discuss the 5 Sex Lies We Buy and Regret.

What are some lies you have bought in the past?

And don’t forget to join us on Facebook for a year of mom thoughts to encourage, inspire and warm your heart as you live each day of your mom life.

 

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Medications, anxiety and the aftermath.

by Jennifer Dyer

Several years ago, my doctor felt I needed to take a medication to help with some intense muscle pain and the fact that my life was super stressful. Having not slept through the night for over five years and dealing with constant messes and the other issues severe autism brought to our home, I decided to take the doctor’s advice.

It took several tries to get a medication I could tolerate. I took one for six months, but ended up wanting to get off of it because I still felt pretty terrible. Big mistake. The withdrawal was horrible. After weeks of uncontrolled crying, shaking, pain, dizziness, and vomiting, I gave in and asked the doctor if I could go back on it. (This was after the nurse had harshly informed me that I couldn’t possibly have any withdrawal or dangerous symptoms.) She was wrong, very wrong. Most doctors have since stopped prescribing that medication.

The doctor gave me something that was similar, but supposed to have less side effects. For a while things were better. Yet, after two years, the side effects of the medicine ceased (head shaking, tremors and flat emotions to name a few) to outweigh the benefits.

So, I talked to my current doctor (we moved). She said it was doable to get off of this drug, at least that was what the manufacturer said on all their literature regarding the drug. Sadly, there was no way to wean off this medicine because of the way it was made, but the manufacturer said there were no problems.

The manufacturers were wrong, very wrong. Getting off this medication has been a horrible experience. I am so dizzy I cannot stand, I have bizarre nightmares when I can sleep at all, and I am continuously nauseated. Having experienced terrible morning (and all day/all night) sickness when pregnant, this brought back memories. But this was even worse.

So, why I am writing this? I wanted others to know, hopefully before making a decision to take any kind of medication. Knowing what I know now, I would have looked at the information on getting off the drugs before even taking them. The pain I had from continued lack of sleep was bad enough that I might still have chosen to take this, but it would have been nice to know so I could have walked into this with open eyes. Plus, finding out the hard way that getting off this drug causes insomnia defeats the reason to take it in the first place.

I feel so angry toward the pharmaceutical company. They put out information about their drugs that seems incomplete, at least in my experience. From what I have read on the discussion boards online, I am far from alone. Why hasn’t any of the information regarding people who have to be hospitalized and sedated just to get past the withdrawals been put out so patients and doctors can make more informed decisions regarding what they put into their bodies? Plus, they have not made any way to safely wean off the drug to lessen the trauma to people’s systems.

I am a mom and a wife. People depend on me, and I am incapable of doing anything except lying still and smiling, trying to keep from being ill. Again, I feel so angry. And I want to give others a chance to make more informed decisions than what was presented to me.

Pray for me, my friends, and hugs!

BTW, I read that a popular motion sickness medication can help with the symptoms thanks to all the people who shared their stories. I am hoping it will help with me!

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Fall decorating … mom style.

by Jennifer Dyer

Fall has arrived. BC (before I had children) I used to decorate each season. Table linens, wall hangings, floral things, and more.

As most of you can imagine, life has changed. A lot! Most of my decorations didn’t survive the early years of children and the multiple moves, but the hearty ones in the attic called to me yesterday. “Let us out!”

“No!” I said. I will not. No time, no energy. Besides, some of the Christmas decorations are still out, which makes me early for that season.

But I thought about how much it means to eldest when I make any effort to make things decorative.

I gave in.
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I put out two tablecloths, one old floral garland, and one turkey. Mission accomplished. And I think it turned out rather well. The orange color of the lightsaber on the mantle really sets off the fall garland, don’t you think? And the Christmas decorations on either side of the lightsaber lend a touch of … something, right?
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Laughter aside, eldest really did perk up when she got home. Who knew a few things could make such a difference?

Even Rachel got into the spirit with her orange duct tape strips. How fun is that?

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Mom or warrior?

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I just returned from the wonderful American Christian Fiction Writer’s conference (ACFW.com) As always, I learned a ton, spent time with God, and made lots of amazing new friends. I even met some other moms with children on the autism spectrum.

I’m always amazed and grateful for the way God arranges for me to meet other parents on the autism journey, often in the most interesting of places.

One of the writers I met was a gorgeous woman named Holly Varni. At first, I might have thought her to be just an ordinary woman (except for the beautiful part), and maybe soft and squishy inside, but after talking to her I realized this mother of a child on the spectrum was tougher than most Marines!

Just hearing her talk, I was inspired to go out and conquer autism. It felt so good to know there was another mom out there struggling like I was to raise a child with such a plethora of issues. Except this mom made me look like a marshmallow, not that she meant to, but she was so amazing and reminded me of our wonderful therapist Brenda.

In Holly’s words, “Moms of children on the spectrum must be warriors.” They have to stand firm in a host of challenges. She spoke of her son’s school coming for a home visit and telling her she enabled her son because she gave him juice without making him ask for it appropriately.

Ouch! That one hit too close to home.

But the greatest advice Holly gave was about marriage. She said, “Eighty-seven percent of people who have children with autism get divorced. If you found out you had an 87% chance of developing breast cancer, wouldn’t you want to research and find out how to prevent it?”

She went on to talk about how people will follow special diets and do a host of other preventative measures to prevent getting cancer, but what about divorce? People need to care for their marriages!

She later mentioned she’s had a manuscript sitting in a drawer for seven years, but hasn’t done a thing with it because her energy has gone toward her marriage and helping her son.

There is a woman with priorities! She was willing to put personal dreams aside for the sake of her family! And several years later, there she was finally starting to work on her personal dream. She didn’t have to give it up, she just had to wait.

I wish you all could meet her today, but she is just beginning her journey along the rocky writing path. I hope she will guest blog for me soon, but until then, may we all be warriors like Holly!

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10 things children and homes have in common

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10. Both are always dirty.
9. Both require insurance, which usually doesn’t cover the claims.
8. They need continuous updating.
7. Constant maintenance.
6. They always need fuel to function.
5. Neither can be ignored when leaking in the middle of the night.
4. Dressing either is expensive.
3. Both require a family to fill them.
2. When the plumbing goes bad, it’s bad!
1. Both are full of love, life and hugs!

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Danger in the lot

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By Jennifer Dyer

Rachel could have died today. We were getting out of the car at Lowes. She saw a basket across the parking lot and darted toward it. Right in front of a giant SUV.

Thank God times infinity the driver was alert and stopped. May the Lord bless him!!!

I ran after her, but I would have been too late. My body went cold, my limbs heavy, my eyes burned. My baby!

I grabbed her and explained she couldn’t do that, but inside I seethed.

See, I tend to parent from the peace-keeping perspective. Rachel loves to ride in the big baskets at those stores. Sadly, she is outgrowing that stage physically, even though her riding in the cart makes life easier for me.

So, hubby has said, along with Rachel’s ABA therapist, that Rachel needs to be a big girl and walk in the store beside us. No more basket rides.

I understand it, I really do, but my rebellious heart doesn’t like it. The new rule makes life harder for me, and more stressful.

Rachel doesn’t like it either, which is why she darted across the parking lot to grab a basket.

I wanted to scream at hubby, “This is your fault! You and that stupid basket rule caused this!”

I wanted to let anger take root in my heart. I wanted to blame someone else because inside I felt guilty for not grabbing her fast enough.

I remembered a FamilyLife Weekend to Remember event we had attended years ago. One of the speaker couples had lost a child to leukemia. The husband told us the MOST important thing couples can do in tragedies is tell each other, “This is not your fault. I don’t blame you.”

He went on to explain that in times of such pain and fear it is easy to channel negative emotions into blame and anger. The ones closest to us are often the victims of this emotional hurricane. Marriages are torn apart in these storms.

I don’t remember the speaker’s name, but I thank him, too.

So, my heart rate returns to normal and I thank the Lord He watches over us all in good times and bad. And I’m thankful I remembered that advice before I tore my spouse apart.

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Pace Yourselves

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Yes, the above picture is my kitchen. Blech!!!

When I see messes like this it’s so easy to condemn myself. “I’m a horrible housekeeper, a failure as a mom, and a slacker wife…”

And I hear so many other women say the same things. Why do we do it to ourselves?

After having a mean talk with myself, I stepped back. Yes, it looks like a group of gremlins invaded the kitchen and brought some trolls along, but I did other things that were more important.

I spent time outside with Rachel, who needed to water plants to decompress from her school day. I spent over an hour in the car picking up kids, and did the host of other mommy things that so many of us can’t name after a long day. I’m sure you’ve been there.

Even though I don’t attain perfection, or even come close to it, is that a reason to condemn myself? Nope! So, instead of freaking out I had a cup if tea.

Take that, guilt! But, seriously, gremlins, you are no longer welcome…

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Funday Monday

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Some days I need a good laugh. Actually most days I do. This week our pastor reminded us of the importance of a good laugh. To paraphrase Proverbs 17:22, “A happy heart is good medicine, but a grumpy attitude shrivels a person like a prune.”

With that in mind, I’m posting this link to Tim Hawkins‘ website and some video clips. Fun stuff! Happy laughing!!!

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