by Jennifer Dyer
The other day, hubby and I decided to go to the
maul mall. In a stunning move, Eldest opted out, but we knew Rachel would love it, especially the escalators and indoor fountains. (The trick would be keeping her from jumping into the water.)
Rachel didn’t always like going out. When she was three, an outing to any store would end in her screaming and stripping naked. And Mom would end up in tears. The sensory overload to her system must have been horrible, all the smells, sounds, people, noise…everything unpredictable and random from her point of view.
If she wasn’t screaming, she was darting away from me like in this story. I couldn’t go anywhere in shoes that did not get traction. Through years of therapy, we slowly worked on her staying beside us. (For more on how we decreased her darting behaviors, see here.)
We also learned to plan shorter outings, and did all kinds of sensory therapies to help her nervous system calm.
So, off we went to the
maul (I keep doing that) mall, armed with her iPad, a packed lunch, and a bag of activities.
Our first destination was Fuddruckers. (It’s by the mall and has GF buns for their burgers. Yum-o. Plus, it’s kid friendly.) This, however, presented our first challenge. Rachel has very narrow food preferences, so what to do?
First, we examined our goals.
We wanted Rachel to sit in the restaurant and behave appropriately. So, the food was secondary. I brought her packed lunch, but ordered food I could share with her.
While ordering, though, Rachel wasn’t focused on the food. She made the sign for potty and yelled “Pah!” so many times it was amazing I didn’t order my cheeseburger with a side of toilet.
Hubby went off to find us a table, and I took Rachel to the restroom.
Which lead to our next challenge.
My anxiety level amped at the thought of traipsing through a public restroom, even though we do it all the time. As I mentioned in my last blog Walking with Rachel, I did the deep breath routine. Keep calm. It’s about the time with Rachel, not getting something huge done.
Rachel and I entered the stall together. When she FINALLY finished, I had to remind myself again that I had a goal in sight. This was about helping her grow more appropriate and independent, not rushing. So, I watched to see how she would do with the slide lock on the stall door. I had to watch her fail (agonizing) a few times and then walk through it step-by-step, but she learns best through visual and tactile methods.
We were ten minutes into our outing and hadn’t left the bathroom.
After we escaped, Rachel wanted to see the arcade games. I froze. I can’t recall how many times I’ve told her no in public and been rewarded with a huge tantrum. Sometimes I feel like the rat in the maze that’s been zapped so many times its fearful of making any sudden moves.
I had to remember the purpose: Appropriate behavior in a restaurant.
If this went south, we could get our food to go. I took a deep breath. “Later.” I grabbed our drinks and showed her to the super high tech drink machines. Whew. Redirection successful. Crisis averted.
We only spilled our drink once, so another success. I pointed to Hubby and asked her to walk with me to the table. I was afraid she would dart, but she stayed beside me. Yay.
We sat in the booth for an entire ten seconds before she started asking about the games again, but in the midst of her barrage, she passed me napkins and pressed her hands together to pray. I brought in her iPad to keep her entertained, if need be, but she actually ate some of her lunch with a fork.
Did the people in the restaurant stare at us? Yes. But did Rachel have a meltdown and strip naked? Nope. Woohoo. I’ll call it a success.
We managed the rest of the ten minute meal without major issues, and Rach was rewarded with some time in the arcade area where she played with the steering wheel on a game that wasn’t plugged in. Even better.
The mall was next.
Again, we kept clear goals in mind.
Yes, we were there to buy Rach some dresses, but I could always order them online. The goal was to have Rachel stay by us and not throw a fit when told no or waiting for short amounts of time.
Here is how we managed:
We alternated fun activities for her with each short shopping goal.
I grabbed some dresses for her and pointed out the escalator. As soon as I purchased our item, we rode the escalator.
We walked around the upstairs and took an escalator down. We looked in one store and went to the play ground. We stopped at a fountain before glancing around another store.
There were a few moments she had to wait, and without two of us it might not have been nearly as easy, but I kept everything to a minimum. If I didn’t find something within five minutes, we moved on. I tried on one pair of shoes off a sale rack, but nothing else. We kept moving as much as possible.
The trip was more about success for Rachel than getting stuff.
And we only stayed about an hour. That way none of us got too tired and lost our patience.