By Jennifer Dyer
Last week I asked myself “why” and went deeper, learning about the lies I tell myself.
This week I learned about villains. I typically think of a villain as something huge and external. I might picture a giant tornado threatening a farming town in the heartland. Or perhaps an evil emperor bent on domination and destruction. Maybe even The Dark Knight’s Joker and The Dark Knight Rises‘ Bain . Yikes. Those guys are really bad…
But a villain can be something much closer. To quote Susie from Deep and Wide, “[A villain] can be circumstances or even … [gulp] yourself.”
My stomach twisted when I read those words. Who is the one broadcasting negative messages in my head? Me!
I so identified with Susie when she spoke of setting too many goals then failing to attain them. I do the same thing! When I cannot meet my own expectations my internal broadcasting service puts out the “You are a failure,” message. Anyone else, or is it just me?
How about parenting? When I lose my temper with my children or fail to pick a battle with Rachel (and her autism), I tell myself I am a terrible mother, I am a failure. When my jeans don’t fit, it’s because I am a lazy slob. When I don’t get the dishes done I am a lazy bum and a disgrace to all housekeepers. And on and on my internal messages go, drowning myself in doubt, anger, and self-irritation.
Well, with a self like that, who needs enemies? Sheesh!
When faced with these sorts of “black moments” (ahem, Susie), I need a superhero, one who is bigger than the volcano of doubt inside me. Fortunately, we all have one who died for us, internal villains and all. And it is to Jesus I must go when my internal villain gets her hair all in a twist. This world needed a final sacrifice, once and for all, because NO ONE could be perfect. Everyone faces some sort of internal and external torment because we live in a fallen world. No matter how hard I try, I will NEVER be perfect.
And you know what? Jesus acknowledged that fact when he died for all sins, once and for all, on the cross. More than that, He had planned it all along, had promised it to Adam and Eve the moment sin entered creation. He knew we would never get everything right and loved us ANYWAY.
So, take that internal villain! The greatest superhero of all time has already promised defeat for all villainy. That gives me hope. Does it give hope to you?
How about you? Do you sometimes act as your own villain? What truths do you use to combat the villainous messages in your head?